Wanted: An associate to fill the social requirements of a best friend.
Applicants must be over 5'5, have extensive knowledge of the political, cultural, and religious issues plaguing our present day, possess written confirmation of an IQ over 145, and be physically capable of pushing a lightweight wheelchair for three-hour intervals.
Allergies to peanuts or dairy products will result in immediate disqualification.
For further information, call (931) 476-2428 and ask for the cripple in the wheelchair, Eddie.
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